Why Tesla Is Stupid

"Jdrentarol" (jdrentarol)
02/24/2016 at 13:00 • Filed to: RANT, IDIOTS, TESLA, TROLL, TROLLPOST, TROLL POST, THIS IS A GODDAMN TROLL POST PEOPLE!!!!

The Tesla Modumb S

Sometimes, manufacturers are just too dumb. We need to stop them! Tesla haters, unite! And, also, we can make some more Tesla haters with this article. I hope.

1. Engines

Every single car manufacturer has at least one electric car in it’s lineup. But no manufacturer has ever only had electric cars. Tesla, how do you expect us to give money to all those oil dudes in Dubai if you go electric? You are killing the Lambo world of Dubai!

2. Dealerships

Tesla is the only manufacturer that doesn’t do the dealer biz. C’mon, give the people some money! And the test drives! You just hand them out to everyone, without a care in the world. Do you know how bad that could be to the timing belt and other engine components? Oh yea. Umm... tires? [Yea, tires can go bad. I hope... we need to be educated].

3. Cost

Tesla vehicles are just too damn cheap. We need higher prices! MUCH HIGHER! Not $120k, more like $210k! Rip off the people! They won’t know! They just want an ugly car with dumb credentials.

4. Aerodynamics

The drag coefficient is just too good (for other manufacturers). Everyone is laughing at your parachute aero, Tesla. Everybody.

5. Seating

Really? You put kids in the trunk? That’s a great !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ! Wait, aren’t we supposed to be insulting Tesla? Nevermind about this.

DISCUSSION (30)

DoYouEvenShift > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:06

I reeeeaaallly want one of these stupid cars!!! It may very well be one of my favorite cars of all time.

dogisbadob > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:07

Tesla is opening a franchise dealer in Michigan :p

Jdrentarol > DoYouEvenShift
02/24/2016 at 13:07

Your name really matches the Tesla’s SINGLE GEAR lol

Tripper > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:10

I’m with you, but I can’t be an official hater yet because I have yet to drive one. I want to hate it, but I won’t be an armchair critic;)

In all seriousness. The main thing that gets me about Tesla is having to charge it. For 80k I would take anything it competes with.

DoYouEvenShift > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:10

Haha, AKA, DoYouEvenElectron.

Ive given it a lot of thought.

The Ghost of Oppo > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:10

These stupid cars gave me cancer, stupid cancer.

Jdrentarol > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 13:12

Kinja'd!!!

Do you even realize....

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:12

I’m more of a Tesla hazer. I want to put a blindfold on it, make it eat a raw onion while wearing mud-filled boots, and maybe give it a purple nurple.

Jdrentarol > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
02/24/2016 at 13:13

This ?

Somethin' 'bout a truck > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 13:32

And what for 80k+ are you not putting some type of fuel in?

Tripper > Somethin' 'bout a truck
02/24/2016 at 13:35

I was referring to the wait. It takes less than 5 minutes to put gas in my car.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 13:38

I take serious offense to your definitely serious post.

I challenge you to a duel.

jjhats > Somethin' 'bout a truck
02/24/2016 at 13:40

filling up takes 5-10 min. charging in the best scenario is 1 hour. charging my phone is the worst part of my day. I don’t want anything to do with a car like that

Jdrentarol > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
02/24/2016 at 13:45

FXX-R, I CHOOSE YOU!

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
02/24/2016 at 14:04

I drove a P-85 a few weeks back. Not much hateworthy there. Fastest car I’ve ever driven, by a sizeable margin, and possibly the fastest I’ll ever drive in my life.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 14:06

This story is a good example of why I never make time for the FP. Drivel. Do they get paid to come up with that rubbish?

My bird IS the word > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 14:49

my only question is, where do you fit all the extension cords for an electric car? You would need at least fifty just to get groceries. Poor design that’s why I will only buy gas.

Mercedes Streeter > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 15:23

Which, unless you travel more than 250+ miles a day, is a strawman argument. Sure you have road trips, but if you can afford a $60k-$100k Tesla, chances are you can afford to rent a car for longer trips...or already have a second ICE vehicle.

I travel roughly 150 miles a day...plugging in a car at a destination or at home at night is no different than a phone.

Tripper > Mercedes Streeter
02/24/2016 at 15:45

Rent another car for long trips!? That is a ridiculous “solution” regardless of your income. Who cares if you can afford it...it’s a waste of money when you already have a car.

I don’t want to plug in my car, what if I forget? That’s a little more serious than a dead phone.

While a person can certainly live with a electric car, it’s not a straw-man argument.

Somethin' 'bout a truck > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 15:46

But you can’t put gas in your car at night, or at work.

I would assume if someone is buying a Tesla it’s not the only car they own. Keeping that in mind I’ll bet it’s the best car possibly to daily. It would only be a problem when you travel, and if you plan your route the right way it really is a non issue.

Tripper > Somethin' 'bout a truck
02/24/2016 at 15:53

Haha so what?

Why would it not be someone’s only car? They’re supposed to be just as good as all the other cars right?

What qualifies it as the best car to drive daily? I can think of countless other cars (at that price point) that I would rather drive daily.

Somethin' 'bout a truck > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 16:05

Even if it was the only car in the house it would still be a great choice. The distance is only an issue on long trips. So again, non issue for a daily.

Tripper > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 16:08

Yea man I get it, that was the ;) It makes less sense now that I re read what I wrote, but I was doing several things at once when I responded.\_()_/¯

Tripper > Somethin' 'bout a truck
02/24/2016 at 16:16

I get it man they are nice and people can live with an electric car. My argument is that all of the cars that the Model S competes with are cordless, and are also much nicer cars.

You can get a gol dern S Class for the same money! The interior in the Tesla is junk in comparison.

Mercedes Streeter > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 17:30

Still a straw man, or if you will, it’s a fallacy. Nobody is suggesting that a Tesla is a good road trip vehicle. Your point only holds weight if we’re talking about anything but a Tesla or the upcoming Bolt.

Unless you’re someone who enjoys frequent drives over 250 miles, then “1 hour is too long to charge” isn’t a logical argument to make.

As for forgetting to charge it, such is also a fallacy. In the few EVs I’ve driven, they have their charge indicators in the same place you’d find a petrol gauge in an ICE...So I can’t see how it’s possible to “forget” to plug in...especially when you’d most likely be passing by your charging station when you go inside your home.

Example: A LOT of people ask me “why did you buy a smart when you can have a four seater for the same price?” And the answer is simple, for the past four years, I can count on one hand the times I needed a bigger car. Two of those times we took someone else’s car. And the other time, I rented a Transit. So for like, 99.8% of my car’s life, I’ve never needed more than what it offered.

And that’s also why we have choice! EVs aren’t for everyone...so if filling that tank in 3 minutes is that important, one need not worry. But it doesn’t justify hate. :)

Tripper > Mercedes Streeter
02/24/2016 at 17:56

Whoa, I said “I can’t be an official hater yet”. Also I was not smashing on all EV’s, just the Model S.

Charging was a bad example, it’s neither a straw man argument or a strong argument. Some people won’t see the big deal with charging their car, and others will consider it an inconvenience.

I should have just said. At it’s price point (lets say 80k) it’s not nearly as nice as anything it competes with, and you have to plug it in.

I agree that most people should be able to live with an EV, but for me @ 80k, I’m in a S class, A8....The interior of the Tesla is junk when you compare it to any other car in the luxury barge segment.

Mercedes Streeter > Tripper
02/24/2016 at 18:06

I can’t argue with any of that logic!!! :)

Oh and that final bit wasn’t directed at you, but the general “EVs are shit” tone that fp commenters usually have. I mean yeah, Jalopnik does fellate themselves about Teslas, but they aren’t as bad as their commenters say they are.

My favourite hater ever is an ICE hater. He owns an EV smart (which has a top range of like 75 miles?) and claims it’s the best vehicle in the world, hands down. K...lol

daiheadjai > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 21:12

My only beef with this, is the cost portion.

You neglect to include the hefty government subsidies involved here (certainly at a level well above that of conventional cars). Tesla offers their car at the price that they do, through no small support from the taxpayer.

Not really a rip on Tesla (new technologies are expensive and take time to come down in cost), but attributing that to Tesla’s inherent superiority is a bit rich (no pun intended).

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Jdrentarol
02/24/2016 at 23:19

i don’t think tesla is stupid, musk on the other hand comes off as douche

Jdrentarol > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
02/25/2016 at 08:29

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